Once upon a time, there lived a keyblader named Zeo, an orphan who knew nothing of his past or how he became a keyblader.he came from the deserted town of ST. Alexias and was migrating to the town of Woodstock. Within 5 minutes, he befriends the mage Roland after saving him from a gang of hoodlums.both have similar fucked up pasts, and long for truth. And within another 10 minutes, Zeo thinks hes found his true love, the beautiful Queen Colleen. The Queen however, does not care for our young keyblader. Flirting exchanges until the queen’s fiancé, Austin the high priest, shows his ‘ugly’ head(get it, because he’s bald!). zeo unfortunately gets his ass handed to him. Mostly because of prince austin’s voodoo priest magic. The mage roland would help, but unfortunately has zero motivation.zeo decides then to go on a walk alone to get his frustration out(bad idea). He walks into an alleyway, where a strange man in a cloak appears and sends zeo into a distant nightmare, somewhat resembling his town of alexias, but filled with mindless zombies with white coats like hospital patients. Before zeo is utterly devoured, he awakes from his nightmare In his own bed, awakening the next day and realizing he skipped school. He then realizes he doesn’t go to school. Zeo decides this was a calling to him to find his purpose in life. Besides, he hates the town, it’s so washed up, and all his friends don’t give a fuck. (hey, a ADTR reference J) before leaving, he decides to stand up to the town bully, berserker Matthew, and utterly gets his ass handed to him yet again. Leaving on a low note, zeo leaves and eventually stumbles upon the cloaked figure in a thunderstorm. After getting his ass handed to him (yes, again.), zeo wakes up in the town of mundelien by the king and queen bedside. See, the queen and king felt sorry for our little ass-kickee and decided to let him ‘tone his strengh’ working for them at their shop for automobiles. The king, king Jiff, is impressed with zeo’s performance, well, until zeo scratches queen shawna’s 66 purple chevelle.
Commence hell breaking loose. The queen transforms into a huge dragon. And chases after zeo. See, the queen possesses a short temper, and whenever her mood changes , she shapeshifts into whatever seems fit. Unfortunately dragon is high on that list. However, zeo’s strength has increased dramatically, and he takes down the queen with some good effort, and setting the whole town on fire. The king, angered zeo killed the queen after what they did for him, gets really pissed and sets killswitch to ‘engage’( me and my band references). Well if a giant dragon was pissed at you buddy, im sure you would’ve killed it too. the king turns into a muscular guy(like bane from batman, except with an M4), and goes ballistic on our hero. Once again, our little ass-kickee is now the ass-kicker, and after toying around for about 10 minutes, defeats king jiff, having him on the ground and monolouging constantly to jiff and the Mundelein people But just then, zeo’s “cat loves food” ringtone goes off(and embaresses him in front of the mundelien community)and recieves a text message from johnny cakes that Woodstock is having an uprising in the government led by noah.zeo decides to take the family goat with him for whatever reason. Zeo rushes to the scene and teams up with mage roland and wide receiver j. cakes to fight Lt. Grell. Grell falls to the trio after johnny cakes makes 3 touchdowns and all soldiers head to fight fuhrer hackbart while a”muse”ing their ‘uprising’.(okay, I know that was shameful and terrible, but hey, threes a charm). After zeo and noah face hackbart and have trouble until gemma the family goat rushes in and nibbles his arm, distracting him enough to get the kill. zeo looks on and discovers a prisoner named gon, who reveals that Shawna and jiff are still alive. Apparently zeo was too busy monolouging to make sure they weren’t breathing. So after another set of goodbyes, and shamefully attending the prince and colleen’s wedding( btw they divorce in 3 weeks. Just sayin’), zeo sets off to the town of Richmond, thinking the king and queen are going to invade it soon. (they have a rolls Royce that they want) zeo arrives and once again falls in love with a girl named lizzy. The two go drinking together(nice first date) and after that, zeo wakes up in a strange dungeon. Apparently he was more shitfaced than he thought. Then he reads the sign, “beware of rats”. Just then, huge rats appear and zeo fights them. He eventually gets help from the guard, a cat named binxy, who is a total retard and helps anyone leave that gives him cat food. Zeo escapes to realize hes 9 miles away from Richmond, in a rock formation set up like a dungeon, with the newfound queen and king castle in the distance. Zeo returns and says we need to muster an army, and also asks how drunk he got. 1. They don’t have enough men. 2. Zeo tried robbing a bank with a tire, stuffed coconut in his face and spit it at everyone in the bar, then left the town saying he needs to find the purple unicorn. Zeo, for one realizes hes never drinking vodka again, and then the town says they will help him if he can find lizzy and Meghan. Apparently Meghan went missing, and lizzy left right after zeo, saying shes disgusted with men. Zeo and the tracker max find footprints leading back the dungeon, leading to believe Meghan is inside there. All they find is some wannabe metalhead named jaroncoreeeeee who apparently hates falling in reverse( total fag) he says hes lizzys true love, and he was searching for her.for some reason hip hop music starts playing(even though hes a metalhead) and After kicking ass, zeo finds Meghan and leaves, until lizzy shows up and beats the crap out of zeo for beating her fiancé. So now we’ve learned jaron’s a wannabe, meghan’s safe, and lizzy was a slut after all. The two kiss each other, until zeo leaves with max and Meghan, and then throws a grenade into the dungeon. Lizzy and jaron are sent flying ito the air ‘sing ay-oh, gotta let go’ (yeah, I need to stop, I know.). nobody knows if they will ever fall back down. The trio return to Richmond and start the army. Zeo and Meghan agree to marry when he returns from battle(SCORE!). zeo and the army set out and fight at the royal castle. Somehow they are winning when they only have 74.2 people and 2 horses. And a pig. And half those people are underpaid farmers who are only getting paid a dollar under minimum wage to fight. Just then, Shawna emerges as the dragon and challenges zeo to a fight after learning zeo lost the family goat. She wonders how zeo escaped her dungeon, and after explaining, she vows binx will never get another can of food for his life. Zeo sends Shawna flying into the lake after an intense fight, and unfortunately she cant swim. Shoulda took swimming lessons instead of horseriding lessons biotch. Anyway, jiff emerges again, as a cyborg with an M4 implanted in his right arm and starts destroying zeo’s army, and then jiffs’s lt, Lt. eric, emerges to contend with zeo. Jiff’s other workers however, revolt against jiff and take eric on while zeo takes on jiff himself. Also they are tired of his incessant smoking. Anyway, The battle of the century begins as zeo takes on his old mentor, and with a huge effort, and some unexpected help from the pig, defeats jiff. All is won, except when the black coat guy appears and kicks zeo’s ass again.he reveals himself as lord bobby(yeah, dumb name) and sends zeo back in time to the start of the adventure, wiping his memory, so his nightmare of this heroic tale of sadness and forgotten heroism can repeat itself until the end of time, for ever and ever. This is one story with no happy ending. Well, except for tater the pig. He receives the honorable bacon of honor for outstanding service.
Zeo lives forever in the time space continuum
Meghan never gets married
Shawna never learned to swim
j. cakes becomes the starring QB for the Jacksonville jaguars
noah becomes king of Woodstock and is eventually overthrown by hackbart again.
mage roland never gets a girlfriend
lizzy and jaron get married in space.
Tater got luxury service for the rest of his life and is named dictator of Richmond, now named baconville.
Colleen and Austin divorced after 3 weeks after an argument over the fact that Austin doesn’t like the wisconsin badgers.
Eric is banished from jiff’s newly made worker’s guild(led by adam) and sent to the town of suckups, where he rises to be their leader. Well, until a well known dog named wyatt arrives…
Bobby was actually a bum who loves messing with people while disguised as a black coated man to get money.he continues to watch zeo in his misery while smoking a pack of cigarettes. In 5 years he will die of lung poisoning.
Gemma goes into a pie eating contest and goes into a food coma to this day forward.
And nobody lived happily ever after. Except tater.